how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
