is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
