Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
