You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
