Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
