Don't you send me to vm
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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