Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
