I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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