I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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