i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
