Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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