I'm lost and stupid without you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
