Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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