There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
