i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize