I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
