I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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