we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
