making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
