i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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