I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize