She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
