when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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