The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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