my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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