I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
