Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
