sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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