I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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