please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
