I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize