I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize