i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
