went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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