so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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