I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
