pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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