I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
