Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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