wanna go halves on a baby?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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