break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
