i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
