Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
