im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
