Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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