That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
