I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
