then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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