I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am available for nakedness
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
