Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This is the high leading the old right now
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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