I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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