wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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