D3 body, D1 cock
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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