He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
