Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize