A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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