If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I want a musical about memes.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
