Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
