a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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