Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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